


Your Mind is a Battlefield

by TheOneTrueGeek



Series: You Mind is a Battlefield 'verse [1]
Category: Fantastic Four, Marvel, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 15 year old Peter and 16 year old Johnny, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Anorexia, Anxiety, Bullying, Check chapter 1 for triggers, Deaf Clint Barton, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Harry is the Green Goblin, Homophobia, Hurt Peter, Implied/Referenced Suicide, My First AO3 Post, Not Beta Read, Orphan Peter, Peter-centric, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, SO MUCH ANGST!, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Supreme Angst, Swearing, Trans Male Character, Trans!Clint, Transphobia, crushing like a school girl, depressed!peter, some characters will start off dead, teenage spideytorch, trans!peter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-20 08:17:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8242583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOneTrueGeek/pseuds/TheOneTrueGeek
Summary: Read chapter 1 for the story timeline prior to the beginning, everyone ages, and trigger warning, amongst other things.Idk Summaries. Just angsty Peter, and his recovery/story.Will be part of a series later.(Just read the ding dang fic)





	1. Background Info

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me if I leave out any warnings. I will leave warnings in the beginning notes of each chapter for the triggers.

**Trigger Warnings!!:**

**Flashbacks and mentions of rape, and watching character death**

**Suicide** **will** **be mentioned, and will be described**

**Characters will show the signs of PTSD, anxiety, depression, and anorexia**

**Throwing up as result of eating disorder will happen**

**Anxiety attack will be described**

**Self harm will be described**

**_Overall, very angsty_ **

Ages: 

Tony, Bruce, Clint, Natasha, Darcy, Jane, Pepper, Reed, Sue, Ben, and Sam are all early, mid, or late 20’s

 

Cap and Bucky are mid 90’s (bodies of mid 20 year olds)

 

Phil is mid 30’s

 

Nick is 40

 

Skip was 17 when he raped Peter

He is now 21

 

May and Ben were mid 40’s when they died

 

Vision and Thor have the bodies of a mid-20’s person

 

Flash and Johnny are both 16

 

Peter is 15, and so was Gwen when she died

 

Harry just turned 16

 

Wanda and Pietro are both 19

 

Timeline(prior to beginning) (in chronological order for each character)

 

Peter:

His parents abandoned him when he was 6

He was raped by his babysitter,Skip, when he was 11

He became friends with Gwen and Harry when he was 12

Harry asked him out 1 month before 15th birthday

He came out to Aunt May and Uncle Ben as a gay trans guy named Peter on his 15th birthday

He came out to his boyfriend, Harry, and his best friend,Gwen,as a gay trans guy on the same day

Gwen accepted him

Harry did not, and became abusive that day

1 day later Uncle Ben bled out in his arms

1 week later Aunt May had a stroke in front of him,and died in front of him at the hospital

After her death, he is taken for psychological evaluation, where is is diagnosed with PTSD, depression, anxiety, and anorexia.

1 day after May’s death, he is placed in a foster home with his rapist, Skip. He hacks into CPS and makes it to where he can live on his own at an apartments if he can sustain himself

He broke up with Harry 1 month after his birthday, and Harry turned himself into the Green Goblin and murdered Gwen, who, again, died in Peter’s arms (let’s go with the thrown off a building, and the web snaps her neck)

**The story starts 2 months after his birthday.**

  
  


Background info: 

Clint is deaf

Bucky has PTSD, and anxiety

Clint was once depressed

Clint is also trans

Sam, Clint, Steve, Tony, Pepper, Jane, and Wanda are all bisexual

Bruce is demisexual, demiromantic

Pietro, Darcy, Thor, Johnny, and Natasha are all Pansexual

Bucky is also gay

Vision is asexual, aromantic

Clint was raped at the circus

**Peter knows none of this, and thinks everyone is a transphobic, homophobic person at the start of the fic**


	2. The Actual Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where the story actually starts.  
> Enjoy the angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Bullying, self harm, referenced suicide, suicidal thoughts
> 
> Many awkward moments ensue

“Hey Parker!”

 

_ Flash _ .

 

The moment Peter turns around he is thrown against the lockers.

 

“Why won’t you answer me Penny? You faggot freak!”

 

_ Stop _

_ Stop. _

 

“Stop.” he whispers, only able to be heard by Flash, who’s breathing in his face, pushing him harder into the lockers behind him.

 

Flash validates his response with the gift of a broken nose, a laugh, then a kick to his tightly bound chest.  _ Ow _ . The kick lands on the rib he broke last night against the Rhino.

“God, Penny, you're such a nerd! No wonder you’re an orphan!”

 

“My name is Peter.” Peter says back, his voice trembling with his oncoming panic attack. By this time he is curled up in a ball on the ground.

 

“Forget it Puny Parker! You’re just a straight girl looking for attention! Why don’t you just kill yourself already! It would make everyone happier!” Another kick, in the stomach.

 

“Just give up Parker!”

“Yeah, just end it already”

“You deserve it Penny!”

People screamed from the crowd of passing students.

 

After one final kick to the head, sending Peter smashing against the lockers, Flash and his goons finally walk away, cackling.

 

_ Penny. _

 

“I am not Penny!

I am not Penny!

I never was,

And I never will be. 

I am Peter

I am me.” 

 

That thought was one that Peter found himself reciting to himself many times since Gwen died

 

_ It was your fault _

 

He broke off in a sprint back to his apartment. The moment he closed his door, he broke down. Hot tears streamed down his face, soaking his clothes, and his bindings, making the 3-day old bandages feel even tighter than before. After about 15 minutes, he stood up, and walked himself to his bathroom. He grabbed his box, took out the razor, and took off his shirt and chest bindings, that were done up so tightly, that when he ripped them off his skin he started to bleed.

 

Harry’s voice echoed in his mind

_ You deserve it Penny _

 

He sat on his bed and started carving his name, _ Peter _ , into his left bicep. He then carved the word, _ he _ , into into the inside of his forearm. He then made his way back to his bathroom, so he could make sure he could see himself carving the word, _ Menace _ _ ,  _ into his stomach.

 

(He wouldn’t go to any of his 3 jobs that day. He couldn’t let them see them see his failures)

  
  


Peter swung through Manhattan later that day, toward Avengers tower. He had to report for the debriefing of the battle against,  _ guess who _ , Hydra. He still had, two,  _ maybe two and a half _ , hours until he actually had to be there, so he decided on a quick patrol beforehand. He stops a robber, and prevents two muggings by the time he stops to rest on top of the Statue of Liberty.

 

“Yo Webhead!”

 

_ Johnny Storm _

 

Peter can’t decide how he feels about the guy. Johnny’s his best friend,  _ his only friend _ . They share banter in battle, and eat pizza together on top of the Statue of Liberty. 

Two Problems:

  1. Johnny doesn’t know that he’s gay. Or trans. Or even his name. And Peter is scared how he would react if he ever told him. All Johnny knows is that Peter is 15. Peter had made him promise not the tell anyone else. The Avengers think that he is 18, and still yell at him for not being old enough to fight.
  2. Johnny is so nice, and sweet, and _totally hot!_ Peter had a massive crush on the guy, almost as big as Tony’s and Johnny’s ego combined. And that says alot. 



 

Peter turns around to see him extinguish his flames and drop onto the ground. He walks over and gives him a high five. Peter can just  _ see _ his lean body, his muscles, his everything. He was crushing  _ hard.  _

 

“What’s up Flamebrain?”

 

He runs his hand through his hair, and oh god, Peter wants to run his hand through his quiff. His hair looks like fire and he’s smiling and,  _ oh no _ , he sounded like a schoolgirl.

 

“Nothing much. Brought you some pizza though.” Sure enough, he revealed a box of pepperoni pizza from behind him. 

 

Peter didn’t want to be rude, so he accepted a  _ single _ piece. He didn't want to upset the last person who  _ didn't  _ want him to die. 

 

After he chokes down a single small slice, he looks over the edge of the Statue.  _ Bad choice.  _ Now all he can think about is how everyone would be better off he he jumped. 

 

_ Do it _ screamed Harry

_ Do it _ screamed the Avengers

_ Do it _ screamed JJJ

_ Do it  _ screamed Flash

 

_ Do it _ was all his mind told him to do in that moment. 

 

Johnny must've noticed something wrong. He put his hand on Pete’s shoulder, and shook him out of whatever trance he was caught in. 

 

“What's wrong?” Johnny sounded so worried.  _ Scared _ even. No way in all of the nine realms would anyone ever care if Peter Parker killed himself. 

 

“Nothing”  _ lies _

 

“Seriously, Spidey, you're my best friend, just tell me.”

 

“ I'm fine.”  _ If fine included having the biggest crush on you, the only person left in my life that doesn't want me to die, including myself.  _

 

Johnny’s grip immediately grew tighter, his other arm grabbing Peter around the torso, and started guiding him away from the ledge. 

 

_ Oh shit.  _

 

“Did I say that out loud?” Peter asked timidly, voice shaking. 

 

“ Spidey, you did say that out loud. It's ok.” Johnny brought the younger into a tight hug. 

 

Peter pulled away. 

 

“My name is Peter Parker. I trust that you will make an appearance at my funeral, Johnny. I'm sorry.” Peter whisper-yelled, solemnly, before swinging quickly to Avengers tower for debriefing.  _ His last  _

  
  


He arrived at the tower shortly. He was almost late, due to the panic attack he had on some rooftop less than 10 minutes ago, (“Two panic attacks today!” He thought. “Three more and I'll break my record”), and he walked himself into the common room. 

 

“Spider-Man, we were looking through the security footage, and you fighting was sloppy yesterday.”

 

_ Ah, yes, criticism right off the bat.  _

 

_ “Why am I here? It's not like they actually care what I have to say?!” He thought.  _

 

“I'm sorry. I'll do better, I promise.” He responded to whoever spoke first. 

 

He sees Natasha walk over to him, she continues, “We can't have anyone getting hurt because you decided that you could take a hit.” Her voice sounds bitter, so cold and hateful. Peter has a hard time keeping himself from bursting into tears at that very moment. 

 

“I promise, it won't happen again”

 

“It better not”  _ Uh oh _ , that's Cap’s disappointed dad voice. 

 

…….

 

1 hour, and many reprimands later, Peter finally swings back to his shabby apartment. He would have swung by the hardware store to pick up a piece of rope and a ceiling hook, but he forgot that they close early on Fridays. 

_ Tomorrow  _

Tomorrow it will all be over, he will finally join his friends. His family. 

He falls asleep crying, bleeding, and wishing that he could have already taken their place in the graveyard. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you liked it. Give me ideas for future encounters. Please.


	3. Hope?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johnny saves Peter.  
> Getting together (kinda)  
> Angst  
> Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Self Harm  
> Suicide Attempt  
> mentions of Anorexia (kinda)
> 
> Decided to pair Tony with Bruce instead of Pepper because Science Bros/Boyfriends

The blade slices into his skin, each cut a tally mark, counting his mistakes, each drop of blood, a stain, _a reminder_ of his failures. He looks at the stool underneath his desk, the rope lying on his bed, already tied into a noose by the same people that put it in his locker with the note, “ _Maybe you can do one thing in your life right and finally succeed at killing yourself”_ He wants to get up, tie it to the ceiling and jump, to get away from Harry, to get closer to his family, to finally make the Avengers happy, but he's too weak to get up. He keeps thinking of how heartbroken he would leave Johnny, his _best friend, his only friend_.

_With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility_

_He was responsible for so much suffering._

_He had the power to stop that, by taking his own life._

_Therefore, he has the responsibility to do so._

  


He can feel the blood loss getting to him. He finally gets the courage to stand.

 

He ties the rope to the ceiling.

 

He climbs up onto the stool, glancing at the note on his desk, his back turned to the window, not wanting to watch the city while he leaves this world.

 

He kicks the stool out from underneath him.

 

* * *

 

He's not falling.

 

He's not falling and someone has broken the rope and he's on his bed and there's _someone_ who saved him and _why_ does it smell like something burnt in here???

 

* * *

 

(POV switch, Johnny)

 

Johnny knew something was up. He had that feeling since Spidey said those words, the words that didn't sound like him, or maybe those same words came from the real him.

 

He said something. Pete Porker? Heater Darker?

 

_Peter Parker_

 

Johnny’s heart _fluttered_ at how utterly cute his name was. He knew he was Pan, but falling for your best friend, not something he planned on. And he even had a tank top that said _Pan with a Plan_. He gaydar is usually better than that though.

 

But now that Spidey had a crush on him??

 

Johnny had to find _Peter_ and ask him out properly.

 

Just one problem. Spid- Peter, sounded suicidal. Johnny wasn't about to let his best friend, (hopefully future boyfriend), die on his watch. He searched through SHIELD to find his file, but nothing. He finally decided that he was going about this all wrong.

 

He searched the last name. _Parker_.

 

Up pops 15-year-old Penny Parker.

 

Bullied, anorexic, orphan, depressed, the list went on and on. But Johnny was just plain confused.

 

_But, wow was this person cute._

 

Johnny started to look into the self harm marks. He saw the name _Peter_ carved into his left bicep, the pronoun _he_ carved into his right forearm, and the word _menace_ , carved into his stomach.

 

It made Johnny sick.

 

_How could anyone so brave feel so terrible?_

 

He looked again. Judging by the words carved into his arms, the confession of his crush on Johnny, and the picture of a note found in his locker that wrote, ‘ _Straight girl in disguise_ ’, Johnny would guess that Peter was a gay trans man, and Johnny thought that made him all-the-more brave.

 

* * *

  


Once Johnny got the address, he quickly flew himself there, remembering the hero’s words from the night previous. He scanned the side of the building for the right apartment. Finally finding it, he landed silently on the fire escape, not wanting to frighten Peter. He peered in to see his arms bleeding, his back turned to the window, and standing on a stool with a rope around his neck. Johnny wasted no time in getting into the apartment.

 

The stool was kicked out from underneath him, Johnny just barely catching him.

 

He carefully slide the rope off of his head, not caring enough to let it be, and set it on fire, cursing it for almost taking the life of his best friend. He sat Peter on the bed, and fetched the first aid kit that he could see sitting on the bed side table. Peter just kept crying, looking away from Johnny. _I want to help_ , thinks Johnny, _Why can’t I help?_

 

* * *

  


(Peter POV)

 

Why is he here?

Why am I not dead?

 

“I’m sorry” he whispers, just loud enough for Johnny to hear.

 

“Don’t be sorry. I should’ve noticed sooner. You’re my _best_ friend.” He pauses,

“Just let me be here for you now.”

 

“Everyone around me dies. I won’t let that happen to you.” Peter just needed to push Johnny away, keep him from his tragic life.

 

“Let me make my own decisions”  By now, all the cuts had scabbed over.

 

Before he knew what was happening, Johnny’s hand was behind his head, combing through his hair, while the other was rubbing his back in soft, calming motions. Then his lips were on his, and, _oh god_ , Peter never wanted to stop.

 

The kiss was soft, delicate, it made everything else irrelevant. It was chaste, just lips, not teeth nor tongue, just a kiss.

 

Johnny finally pulled away, staring into Peter’s eyes. He was smiling, but it wasn’t the same smile that you see in all the magazines. No, this one felt more private, more genuine, and it made Peter’s insides go all mushy.

 

Finally he spoke. “I really like you, please don’t ever leave me again, Peter”

 

All Peter could do was lean into him and cry. Johnny took that as an answer enough.

 

* * *

 

When Johnny had told him that he was spending the night, Peter didn’t object. He just kept wondering when Johnny would leave him, just like everyone else. He kept reminding himself not to get to attached.

 

He wasn’t going to say anything. He wasn’t going to risk sounding too desperate (or more desperate than he already was), or saying something embarrassing that made Johnny leave any more quickly than he already was going to.

 

He went to bed that night, for the first time in a long time, with a full stomach, dry eyes, and maybe, _just maybe_ , a little hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Self Harm  
> Suicide Attempt  
> mentions of Anorexia (kinda)
> 
> Sorry for not posting. I currently have Strep Throat AND a concussion, so I probably shouldn't even be writing, but I have priorities so :/

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me if I leave out any warnings. I will leave warnings in the beginning notes of each chapter for the triggers.


End file.
